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[Jan. 9th, 2005|06:17 pm] |
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i need to hurt something someone... me |
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[May. 6th, 2004|03:12 pm] |
So i have decided that this has been a pretty interesting week/day/month....
this week ive had some problems... work on monday... tuesday i dont really remember... weds work... then i went home and i did my homework, and i was working on my stupid johnny cash paper and my mom and dad started fighting... now if that werent bad enoug, and believe me it is. my mom decided to take her anger out on me and basically tell me what a little fuck i was. she bitched about me not taking out the recycleables, so i went and took them out, then after walking in, she started shoving me across the dining room. so im like being like almost flung around the dining room and she then goes and takes my disk out of the computer and my 5 pages that i had done were erased. so i had no paper done. so fine, i pack up my stuff, and go upstairs. she comes in every five mins and tells me how sorry she is. fine, she is sorry, thats okay with me, but im still kinda pissed at her. then my parents kept fighting, mom lost her keys. made herself two copies, then lost one of those copies. so she took it out on me, then dad bitched about my room, so i started cleaning it. so my floor is clean and shit like that.
The cats got in a fight last night, so Kit Cat is now residing in my mom's room. so basically thats what she gets. she scratched muffin last night... i got so mad at her... i love the cat and i love jessi... but i cant keep her. i have two cats and two dogs of my own. Kit doesnt like the dogs, and she cant stand the cats. and i cant keep them apart, i cant kick muffin and scruffy out of my room so kit can live there, so she needs to find a home.
i dont know who i would ask, but im asking someone, all of you, please please if you can take a cat, she is a great loner cat...
and im getting damn sick of scott's crap... i dont want to deal with him any more. you wonder why i dont eat lunch with him... you wonder why i dont really talk to him... you wonder why i dont want to see him any more... its cuz he is pulling constant bullshit.. and he needs to take a chill pill, better yet... like i said just two seconds ago, he has MPMS... so maybe he needs to be on those pills shayla is on. they did stuff for her, maybe they can fix him...
Joe has been really nice lately, and i dont know why... its really weird...
Prom dress has to be fitted. hair cut... blah |
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[Mar. 27th, 2004|11:07 pm] |
so okay... this might make me a really bad person or something, but i dont like amanda... okay?
i cant stand her... she just pushes the wrong buttons... and makes me want to like punch her every time i see her. or hear her name i want to puke, or punch the one that said it...
i dont know what it is... well i might but im not sure.
first off... she gives off the persona of being easy... and im not sure if i do that or not, but i hope i dont do it like she does... just being around her makes me feel... dirty almost?
secondly... she like thinks that she is the best thing ever... like seriously... she thinks she is the shit... but thats what she is... she comes out of the anus and sits there for people to walk all over... and people dont normally like her.
thirdly (?)... she seems to be like... just... whore like.. like caitlin (SP) obrian... like half of the clothes she wears she shouldnt be wearing...
ICKY!!!!
oh god, another person i thought i would like and now cant stand... meranda... at first she reminded me of lynne... and now she is just being dumb... like... everytime i see her i want to jack her in the face... just smack her up... stupid whores...
i just dont get along with girls much.... it's sad... |
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[Mar. 21st, 2004|07:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  frustrated | ] |
so right now,i feel as though my heart is being torn out and thrown down on the street and the person i love most out of anyone is walking all over it. digging his heals into it, watching it slow, and then stop.
Ken and i were talking last week and mike took over the computer and started talking him and now ken says that he cant trust that our conversations are kept between him and i. so im sitting here crying, with no tears. wishing that i could go back in time... and change how things happened...
i love him so much... and i miss him already.. i havent talked to him in like a week and now i wont be able to talk to him for so long... i just want to be in his arms i just want to know that he loves me and he says that he does, but im pretty sure that he doesnt. i mean i understand what he is saying.. i understand that he doesnt want to talk to me any more. |
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[Mar. 4th, 2004|08:49 pm] |
so this is the deal... my mother has made it her personal goal to find out what the scars are on my upper arm. i told her she doesnt need to know, she told me that she wants to so she will find out. so now i have to hide everything, and i know it was a dumb thing to do but at the time it was the only thing i could think of. I have my problems and my issues and most of the time i have a way of dealing with them, but this wasnt one of my best ways to do it. but now i feel as though i am almost a prisioner in my own body. i dont want to go back to seeing soomeone every week, or every other week, or ever at all. I'm sick of my mom thinking that she controls me, or any part of me.
last week she told me that she never had any effect on my life, she never made me do anything, i wanted to to pull up my sleves and show her what she has made me do... i wanted to prove to her that what she says to me does make a difference. that when she yells at me, and makes it blantently obvious that sometimes she just doesnt care about me makes me feel like shit.
been talking a lot to ken lately. I love him so much. he makes me so happy. we have talked on the phone twice already! and i feel bad cuz each convo costs him like 10 bucks. I love him so much, and i finally believe that he loves me. " I think in the simplest words possible, that you're slowly realising that I love you, and that every time that little bit more hits home, you smile inside." i really do trust him with everything. "Absolutely :-) What if some girl takes your fancy over me! I share lots of things, but nothing as precious as you." as stated already, i love him! |
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[Feb. 29th, 2004|09:46 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  amused | ] |
so yeah. today i went out with people. and like all weekend ive felt no reason not to be loved, and today i went out with Scotty, Cullen, Gregg, and someone new named Jorden or something. and like today it was amazing that i actually got to go out, so i messaged scotty and was like what ya doing, and he told me, and i was like, i dont remember a time where i had to make an appointment with my best friend... lol... so they came to pick me up. they drove here from woodfeild.
but yeah so today in the car with all those people i kept feeling weird cuz it alsmost seemed as if cullen was like trying to one up me. like we were on a bridge scotty was driving and he knows i have this weird fear of bridges and stuff that we could drive off of, and he makes fun of me with it. well cullen pointed out that he and scotty were the only ones that werent freaked out by his driving, then he pointed something like that out again, and it just got weird... and i stopped pointing out where he was wrong and went along with it. it almost seems like he doesnt like me cuz of my friendship with scotty.
i dotn know... and i had something else to say but i dont remember now cuz this is taking far too long... so we shall see later! |
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